Saturday, May 22, Todd's step-father Ronnie died. In one month from my grandmother's death I was facing death and the whole burial process all over again. Though I was not close to Ronnie it was still very moving to watch his family grive over their husband, father, brother, cousin, friend, etc. Ronnie had a military funeral and the Freddom Riders even showed up. It was all very nice and moving.
When Ronnie was in Jackson Hospital and I went back for the first time I thought that was going to be the hardest part-wrong! Ronnie's body was also at Gassett Funeral Home and in the chapel where Memaw was. That was the hardest part. Just remembering how she looked, the smell of that place, and ALL the tears that were cried in that room. It all came flooding back. I know, I know-Memaw is not there, but it is where we saw her earthly body for the last time. It was where we touched her for the last time, and for me it was where I left part of my heart.
Everyday is getting easier-not a whole lot, but nonetheless easier. I am reminded of Carrie Underwood's song "This is our temporary home-It's not where I belong-Windows and rooms, that I'm passing through-This was just a stop-On the way to where I'm going-I'm not afraid because I know-This is our my temporary home."
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
Again?
Within one month from the death of my grandmother, we are being faced with the reality of death once again. Todd's step-father, Ronnie, is currently in Jackson Hospital with several broken bones (from recent falls) and lung cancer that has progressed so that there is no treatment for him. The treatment plan at this point is to make him comfortable.
As I was walking into the hospital last night a flood of emotions hit me. My heart was racing and I began to cry. I know that Memaw is not there, but just knowing that is where she took her last breath is still hard to come to terms with. Death in itself is hard to come to terms with. As we were in the waiting room I replayed the events that took place for the 1 week that we were at Jackson Hospital. I remembered the fears, questions, concerns and realization that Memaw was not coming home this time. She was going to her eternal home. I felt for Brenda (my mother-in-law) because I knew all to well of what she is going to have to face in the next few days. Tough questions, hard decisions, and knowing that she is going to have to let go. Those feelings are still real for me at this point.
It was really no secret for anyone in our family that Memaw was beginning to go down hill. I know that it was the Lord that lead me to start praying for peace and comfort for our family when the time came for Memaw to pass. I didn't know why at the time this was my prayer, but I went with it. I prayer for peace for Memaw and I prayed for peace for us, her family. I prayed that her passing be swift and peaceful and I believe that God answered our prayers. The situation wasn't exactly how any family imagines there loved one passing, but I believe Memaw was at peace with knowing that all of her family was with her as she took her last breath. Mom, Dad, Aunt Janice, Debbie, me, Leslie, Jeremy, Teresa, Matt, Aunt Ann, Aunt Marie and R.B. where all in the room with her. I believe that she felt safe and secure in knowing that we were there with her. Her passing was swift and peaceful and I know that was God answering my prayer.
I am now praying for peace and understanding for Todd's family, now. I'm not sure where Ronnie or Brenda stands in their faith in Jesus, so my prayer is that the will see him through this situation. I pray that Ronnie is not in pain and passes swiftly and peacefully if that is God's will.
As I was walking into the hospital last night a flood of emotions hit me. My heart was racing and I began to cry. I know that Memaw is not there, but just knowing that is where she took her last breath is still hard to come to terms with. Death in itself is hard to come to terms with. As we were in the waiting room I replayed the events that took place for the 1 week that we were at Jackson Hospital. I remembered the fears, questions, concerns and realization that Memaw was not coming home this time. She was going to her eternal home. I felt for Brenda (my mother-in-law) because I knew all to well of what she is going to have to face in the next few days. Tough questions, hard decisions, and knowing that she is going to have to let go. Those feelings are still real for me at this point.
It was really no secret for anyone in our family that Memaw was beginning to go down hill. I know that it was the Lord that lead me to start praying for peace and comfort for our family when the time came for Memaw to pass. I didn't know why at the time this was my prayer, but I went with it. I prayer for peace for Memaw and I prayed for peace for us, her family. I prayed that her passing be swift and peaceful and I believe that God answered our prayers. The situation wasn't exactly how any family imagines there loved one passing, but I believe Memaw was at peace with knowing that all of her family was with her as she took her last breath. Mom, Dad, Aunt Janice, Debbie, me, Leslie, Jeremy, Teresa, Matt, Aunt Ann, Aunt Marie and R.B. where all in the room with her. I believe that she felt safe and secure in knowing that we were there with her. Her passing was swift and peaceful and I know that was God answering my prayer.
I am now praying for peace and understanding for Todd's family, now. I'm not sure where Ronnie or Brenda stands in their faith in Jesus, so my prayer is that the will see him through this situation. I pray that Ronnie is not in pain and passes swiftly and peacefully if that is God's will.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
It will get easier, right?
Well, it has been 2 weeks ago today that we said good-bye to Memaw. When will life fell like it did before? When will the tears stop? When will we be able to go shopping again and find real joy in it? I know that all of these things will come, but when? I think about her everyday. I dreamed about her 2 nights ago. It is so painfully real, but surreal at the same time. What will my life look like now that she is gone? My dad's dad died in 1979 so I never knew him. My mom's dad and my dad's mom both died in September 1988. I was only 5 so I didn't really understand. I had 27 wonderful years with my grandmother and I miss her terribly.
I was very blessed to have the kind of grandmother that I did. She was always involved in mine and my sister's lives. My mom says that we are "klanish" but that's OK with me. I remember sharing my birthday with Memaw. My birthday is February 4 and her's was February 9th, so for many years we celebrated together. On Christmas morning my grandmother would come to our house to see what Santa Claus had brought us. She would come in her PJ's and we would be so excited to show what all we had gotten. We would eat breakfast and then she'd go back home. We did LOTS of shopping together. She always wanted to buy me something everytime we'd go shopping. The last time we went she insisted on a pair of earrings for me. I thought that they were too expensive, but she meant I was having those earrings (She thought that I never wore enough jewelry). I will cherish those earrings forever. They mean more to me than I ever thought they would.
On a different note, Reily has strep throat AGAIN. It has been a little over a month since the first episode with strep and here we go again. He started putting his fingers in his ears on Saturday, but we were out at the ball field all day and it was really windy. I just thought that his ears hurt from being in the wind all day. Well, him putting his fingers in his ears continued and he has been fussy and hasn't really been eating. I hate putting him on antibiotics, but I guess you do what you have to do. The nurse weighed him today and he weighed 28.2 lbs. A VERY big boy.
While we were seeing Dr. Dieble I asked her about potting training. I told her that this morning he pooped in his diaper and brough me his wipes and diaper rash cream. I couldn't believe it! Is it really time to be potty training? Am I ready for all of this? Well, ready or not Dr. Diebel suggested going ahead with potty training. So wish us luck.
Until next time...
I was very blessed to have the kind of grandmother that I did. She was always involved in mine and my sister's lives. My mom says that we are "klanish" but that's OK with me. I remember sharing my birthday with Memaw. My birthday is February 4 and her's was February 9th, so for many years we celebrated together. On Christmas morning my grandmother would come to our house to see what Santa Claus had brought us. She would come in her PJ's and we would be so excited to show what all we had gotten. We would eat breakfast and then she'd go back home. We did LOTS of shopping together. She always wanted to buy me something everytime we'd go shopping. The last time we went she insisted on a pair of earrings for me. I thought that they were too expensive, but she meant I was having those earrings (She thought that I never wore enough jewelry). I will cherish those earrings forever. They mean more to me than I ever thought they would.
On a different note, Reily has strep throat AGAIN. It has been a little over a month since the first episode with strep and here we go again. He started putting his fingers in his ears on Saturday, but we were out at the ball field all day and it was really windy. I just thought that his ears hurt from being in the wind all day. Well, him putting his fingers in his ears continued and he has been fussy and hasn't really been eating. I hate putting him on antibiotics, but I guess you do what you have to do. The nurse weighed him today and he weighed 28.2 lbs. A VERY big boy.
While we were seeing Dr. Dieble I asked her about potting training. I told her that this morning he pooped in his diaper and brough me his wipes and diaper rash cream. I couldn't believe it! Is it really time to be potty training? Am I ready for all of this? Well, ready or not Dr. Diebel suggested going ahead with potty training. So wish us luck.
Until next time...
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